Poly stories: agreement artistry
We all want to be open-minded, but some things within ENM are understandably off-limits for some: from not dating your best friend to foregoing a regular testing routine. When it becomes 'don’t watch this' or 'don’t eat that' with someone else, this may seem manageable at first. There will, however, come a Friday night when only late-night falafel is available, or there’s nothing else on TV besides your favourite bed-rotting series together.
How do we keep things special and protected, without putting a bunch of laws into effect that are just not realistic in the long run? Why do we agree on things? To meet in the middle. To have a clear understanding. To hold accountable. To know what to expect. To tune into what we are feeling. To know the bounds of freedom, and where to play. To design our own lives, our own relationships - using the knowledge we have about our needs, longings and limits. To say: “Yes, that’s fine, and here’s what I ask from you - or am willing to give you.”
A relationship contract can be the way forward, yet remain open for review and discussion. What was a necessary tool in new experiences may become an unwanted brake when picking up speed with ENM skill. What was irrelevant in a don’t-ask-don’t-tell dynamic becomes crucial in kitchen table polyamory.
The imagined scenario may diverge from the real-time scenario, insecurity may turn into enthusiasm, a solid base may allow for a looser approach or relationships may take on different shapes with established or dissolved hierarchies. It’s okay. Let’s reinvent. Agreements aren’t a one-size-fits-all. It’s an art. In this edition of Poly Stories, we’re going to explore our agreement artistry.
Poly Stories invites you in the exploration of the wondrous world of non-monogamy through personal storytelling.
This evening is for anyone: whether you’re just starting out or already experienced in non-monogamy/open relationships/polyamory.