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Een alternatief voor sociale media om op de hoogte te blijven met queer evenementen, voorlopig alleen gericht op Amsterdam.

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  1. mei (1)

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  2. Poly stories: agreement artistry

    Treehouse NDSM, T.T. Neveritaweg 55-57, Amsterdam

    Poly stories: agreement artistry

    Treehouse NDSM, T.T. Neveritaweg 55-57, Amsterdam

    We all want to be open-minded, but some things within ENM are understandably off-limits for some: from not dating your best friend to foregoing a regular testing routine. When it becomes 'don’t watch this' or 'don’t eat that' with someone else, this may seem manageable at first. There will, however, come a Friday night when only late-night falafel is available, or there’s nothing else on TV besides your favourite bed-rotting series together.

    How do we keep things special and protected, without putting a bunch of laws into effect that are just not realistic in the long run? Why do we agree on things? To meet in the middle. To have a clear understanding. To hold accountable. To know what to expect. To tune into what we are feeling. To know the bounds of freedom, and where to play. To design our own lives, our own relationships - using the knowledge we have about our needs, longings and limits. To say: “Yes, that’s fine, and here’s what I ask from you - or am willing to give you.”

    A relationship contract can be the way forward, yet remain open for review and discussion. What was a necessary tool in new experiences may become an unwanted brake when picking up speed with ENM skill. What was irrelevant in a don’t-ask-don’t-tell dynamic becomes crucial in kitchen table polyamory.

    The imagined scenario may diverge from the real-time scenario, insecurity may turn into enthusiasm, a solid base may allow for a looser approach or relationships may take on different shapes with established or dissolved hierarchies. It’s okay. Let’s reinvent. Agreements aren’t a one-size-fits-all. It’s an art. In this edition of Poly Stories, we’re going to explore our agreement artistry.

    Poly Stories invites you in the exploration of the wondrous world of non-monogamy through personal storytelling.

    This evening is for anyone: whether you’re just starting out or already experienced in non-monogamy/open relationships/polyamory.

  1. juli (1)

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  2. Poly stories: NRE Realms

    Treehouse NDSM, Neveritaweg 55-57, Amsterdam

    Poly stories: NRE Realms

    Treehouse NDSM, Neveritaweg 55-57, Amsterdam

    Yes, you’ve met someone new. Have you been reached by a “heady rush of escalating emotional connection and hot juiciness?” Coined by Zhahai Stewart in the 1980s, ‘new relationship energy’ has seeped into love society and the world of ethical non-monogamy. You’ve heard it coming for your friend with a new crush every catch-up, but it may come for you, too. That stranger turned object of desire, appearing only in a cloud of pink, and every other thought? As it leaves you feeling unsteady without your next hit, this new player may leave your existing partner(s) feeling a certain way, too.

    Sweet, sugary, and disruptive - such can be the nature of NRE. Feel-good hormones make every interaction rewarding. A six-month attachment phase begins. Behaviour may mirror that of this idealised person. Repeated urges to be close to them may overshadow longstanding connections with others. They may recognise this change in you from before, but don’t experience it first-hand. Compersion (happiness for you) turns sour as dates become deprioritised.

    Is it all bad? No. In this edition of Poly Stories, we’ll find out how to make sure there’s enough romance to go around for all people involved, how to redirect commitment impulses to sustainable intentionality - whilst maintaining freedom to explore newness, and how to stay centered in your own identity when others’ modes of being are so exciting.

    Allow for play and master your way around NRE. Riding the wave, with skill, may just be the ENM foundation you didn’t know you needed.

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