Poly Stories | Shame & Guilt
Treehouse NDSM,
T.T. Neveritaweg 55-57,
Amsterdam
THEME OF THIS EVENING: SHAME & GUILT
You feel an urge so big, you either need to give in or be consumed by repressed desire. It’s
a popular psychological concept: try not to think about something and it will become all that
you think about.
Like two muscular bodies pressing up against each other or women’s voices dancing around
one another - the attraction of same gender dynamics when a primary partnership is with
someone of the opposite sex. Based on what society told you what is normal, you might feel shame for wanting. Maybe it’s the person you’ve reserved for late-night drinks in dim bars and lingerie turning into someone whose conversation topics are so magnetic you want to bring it into the daylight - like brunch with your parents.
Things that your partner does not have or can not give (either because it’s not who they are
or because they’re not into it as much,) things that diverge from your original ethical
nonmonogamy framework which have become new desires as things evolved, or things that
feel scary and intimidating to your partner, which you may need for your ultimate fulfillment.
Even when you’re both poly/non-monogamous, ideas, wants, needs and points of discomfort
for the people involved may differ. Here guilt often shows its face. Finding the balance between reassurance and security, and liberation as a sexual or romantic being is tricky. How do you ask for something that can bring temporary sadness to your partner, and infinite joy to yourself? When you want to confirm the other is giving you plenty, but you still want a little extra - and how to shake off
internalised judgements, and focus on empowerment and exploration instead?
With the right toolkit, things can exist in parallel or slowly integrate in your relationship when
everyone feels ready.
THIS IS FOR YOU WHEN
This evening is for anyone: whether you’re just starting out or already experienced in non-monogamy/open relationships/polyamory.